There Are Rules, You Know
by Horo-Emptiness
Summary: There's nothing to do in Las Noches. The Espada's solution? Start a Prank War.
1. And It All Started With Hair Gel?

**A/N- Well, this idea's been bouncing around in my head for a while, so I decided to write it down. Enjoy the Espada at their finest. (not really)**

**Rated T mostly because of language. (Nnoitra and Grimmjow are in it. What do you expect?)**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach. If I did, it'd have _way_ more violence in it and Ichigo would be able to stay dead for more than five minutes. And it would suck. **

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><p>"Gah! There's nothin' ta do..."<p>

"Tell me 'bout it."

The two Espada were lounging in Las Noches' Relaxation room, bored out of their wits.

"Shouldn't ya be off killin' somethin'?" Nnoitra asked.

"Shouldn't you be raping something?" the Sexta replied.

"Tch."

Tesra, who followed Nnoitra everywhere, looked like he was deep in thought.

"You know what? Ya could just have some fun with Tesra here. Everyone already thinks ya do."

At Grimmjow's comment, the sandy-haired fracción snapped to attention, blushing profusely.

"I'll take that as a 'Yes, he would'." The bluenette said, grinning.

"Shaddup, pussy."

"Make me."

Before the Arrancar could attempt to murder each other, Tesra pipped up. "I, uh, just thought of something we can do."

"Do we wanna know?"

"I don't know... Might be kinda fun."

While Grimmjow looked at the smaller Arrancar with some suspicion, Nnoitra spoke. "Well? Let's hear it."

"We should start a Prank War."

The declaration was met with surprised looks from both Espada. Then, both of their faces split into wide grins.

"I like it..." Nnoitra stated.

Grimmjow's grin spread even wider. "Where do we start?"

...

Ulquiorra was taking a leisurely stroll around Las Noches. It wasn't his turn to monitor the security cameras, and there wasn't anything else to do...

He suddenly heard a shrill cry from his left. Glancing over, he realized he was near Szayel's laboratory. Guessing that the mad scientist was conducting another experiment, he moved on.

Grimmjow was sauntering down the hall towards the shorter Espada, which didn't faze him. He probably just wanted to pick a fight or something.

"Ulquiorra!" the panther-like Arrancar called, rolling the 'R's slightly.

"What do you want, trash?" he said in his low, monotone voice.

Grimmjow just smirked, making Ulquiorra even more suspisious.

"What makes ya think I want something?"

"You only address me by my name if you do. Usually it's just 'Emo Bitch'." Ulquiorra stated, trying to walk around the larger male. He just kept moving in front of him, though.

"Out of my way, tra-" the Cuatro Espada was cut short by something crashing into the back of his head. His eyes widened in shock before he fell forward, unconscious.

Nnoitra stepped out form the shadows. "Nice job distractin' 'em." The spoon-like Arrancar was now eyeing the fallen Espada hungrily.

"Are you gonna rape him or are we gonna finish what we started?"

Nnoitra's face fell in disappointment. Grumbling under his breath, he threw Ulquiorra over his shoulder and headed towards Grimmjow's room. "Ya got the stuff?"

"Yep. This is gonna be good."

...

Aizen had called an Espada meeting. Almost everyone had arrived, even Starrk, who had been woken up by Lillynette jumping on his head. She had enthusiastically complied with Aizen's request to get him to the meeting on time, apparently.

The meeting couldn't start until all Espada were present, and Ulquiorra had yet to show. This was concerning to their leader, as the Cuatro was usually one of the first to arrive at meetings.

The occupants of the room were chatting among themselves, some, like Gin, teasing the others. Wonderweiss was sitting next to Tosen, eyeing Gin suspiciously, while the blind man was lecturing him on justice. Starrk was now falling asleep at the table, Baraggan was staring at Harribel, who looked like she wanted to strangle him, Zommari was just staring blankly into space, Szayel was analyzing the table's surface, Aaroniero was arguing with himself, and Yammy just looked bored. Nnoitra and Grimmjow, however, were grinning from ear to ear, and were barely able to sit still.

The door to the meeting room creaked open.

"Ulquiorra, care to tell me why you're late?" Aizen asked, having sensed the Espada's spiritual pressure. He didn't bother opening his eyes, which were closed for some reason.

Everyone in the room turned to glance at the unusually late man and had to do a double take. After a few seconds of staring at him, astounded, the whole room exploded with laughter. Even Tosen, Aizen, and Harribel gave him shocked looks, followed by amused smiles. Baraggan's expression didn't change. Nnoitra and Grimmjow were literally rolling on the floor laughing their asses off.

"Grimmjow," Ulquiorra growled, lunging at his fellow Espada, who dodged him. His reaction just caused everyone to laugh even harder.

"What the hell happened to your hair?" Szayel gasped in between laughs.

"Look- _gasp_ -Looks good on ya, Ulqui!" Gin managed to get out, which was a feat considering that he was currently on the floor clutching his sides, laughing and trying to regain his breath.

"Very, erm... Interesting," Starrk said, smirking while trying his best not to laugh. His attempt to control it failed, and he fell out of his chair with a thud, roaring with laughter.

Aizen was watching his normally calm, collected Espada chase Grimmjow around the room. The Cuatro looked like he was out to kill, while the Sexta now had tears streaming down his face from laughing so hard. Aizen really couldn't blame him; Ulquiorra's hair was styled as close to his own as it could get, all slicked back with a single piece falling in his face. And it looked _ridiculous_.

"What's wrong, Emo Boy? Don't like yer hair?" Grimmjow cackled, dodging Ulquiorra's sword, which he had taken to swinging at his fellow Espada's head, attempting to lop it off.

"Now, now. Everyone, Settle down," Aizen calmly said, attempting to restore order. The Espada who were on the floor returned to their chairs, while Gin stayed spread-eagle on the floor, still trying to stop laughing and catch his breath. He was failing miserably, his gaze going back to Ulquiorra and causing him to burst out in a new wave of giggles.

Only Ulquiorra and Grimmjow remained standing.

"Ulquiorra, please sheath your zanpakuto." Said Cuatro did what he was told. "Now you two, explain yourselves. Why is Ulquiorra's hair like that?"

Pointing a black-nailed finger at the bluenette beside him, the shorter Arrancar simply said, "He did it."

This caused Nnoitra and Szayel to start snickering again, and Aizen to raise his eyebrow at the childish statement.

"Grimmjow, why did you do this to Ulquiorra's hair?"

"What makes you think I did?" he replied nonchalantly.

"My dear Cuatro would never lie to me."

Several Espada rolled their eyes.

"Now tell me- Why did you do it?"

Grimmjow, not wanting to take all the blame, blurted out the truth. "Spoon helped me!"

Said spoon stood and raised himself to his full height, towering at at _least_ seven feet. "Mah name isn't Spoon, dammit!"

"So you don't deny that you helped in disgracing my poor Cuatro?" Nnoitra froze, and Ulquiorra scowled at the nickname.

"Fine. But Tesra though' o' it."

A muffled, "What?" sounded from the direction of the door; Apparently, the Arrancar had been spying on the meeting.

Aizen ignored this. "Tesra _is_ your fracción. You don't have to listen to him. He isn't responsible for your actions. Now, can the two of you answer this question for me? Why?"

"Prank War," they said in unison.

Everyone in the room gave them strange looks, then glanced at the people around them.

"You started a Prank War and didn't tell us?" Starrk asked, staring at Ulquiorra.

"I wasn't informed of this 'Prank War'," Ulquiorra stated simply.

"You two should know better than to play a prank on someone who isn't aware of your War."

The three Espada stared at their leader in disbelief.

"You... That's your reaction?" Grimmjow asked, astounded that he wasn't being yelled at.

"Of coarse. It was all in good fun." Turning to Ulquiorra, Aizen asked, "Ulquiorra, why did you make such a big deal out of this? It's hair gel- it washes out."

"Yes, but this won't come out."

"It won't?"

"No sir. I already tried."

"Grimmjow. Nnoitra." The ex-shinigami turned to the two Espada, who were attempting to escape the meeting room. They froze and turned around. "What did you put in Ulquiorra's hair?"

"Err..."

"Nnoitra."

"We don't know," Grimmjow answered truthfully. "Szayel gave it to us."

"I thought you were going to use it!" the pink-haired Espada exclaimed.

"Well then... Szayel, what was it?" Aizen inquired.

"A solution that's like permanent hair gel," the scientist answered.

"Don't tell me my hair's stuck like this..." Ulquiorra muttered under his breath.

Aizen, hearing the Cuatro's comment, raised his eyebrow. "Well?"

"It should wear off in a couple days, maybe a week."

"Well then, Ulquiorra. It looks like you're stuck with that hairstyle for a while."

"Fine..." he replied, still distraught at the condition of his usually messy hair. "Thank you, Aizen-sama."

"Meeting dismissed." Aizen said, seeing that nothing was going to get done with the Espada's hair like that. To distracting.

The occupants of the room made to leave, some, namely Gin, still laughing.

Aizen stood and began to stroll down one of Las Noches' many corridors, still amused. He chuckled lightly. That truely did look ridiculous on him.

_'Wait, is that how I look?'_ he thought, pausing for a moment.

_'I hope not.'_

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><p><em><strong><strong>Next chapter- The Prank War goes into full effect.<strong>**_

**A/N- XD Ulquiorra with Superman-style hair... Anyways, I tried to keep everyone in ****character... Besides Ulquiorra, that is. He kinda overreacted. Most of the characters will probably be OOC at some point in this fic, so... Please tell me if this is a good idea or not. If this chapter seemed a bit dull, fear not. The next one should be much, _much_ more entertaining.**

**Review for Ulquiorra's hair. **


	2. This Is My ReVENGE!

**A/N- ****I was listening to _Revenge_ by Mindless Self Indulgence while I was writing this, so... Bit of a distracting song. ^^; **

**Warning- This chapter contains a pissed off Nnoitra and Grimmjow. _Someone_ owes the Swear Jar some _serious_ coinage.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Bleach or any other copyrighted material.**

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><p>Ulquiorra was pissed. Szayel <em>had<em> managed to find a solution to the 'Permanent Hair Gel', but it had caused his hair to puff into a 'fro for the rest of the day. And now he wanted revenge.

Sitting in his room listening to some music, he began contemplating what he was going to do to those two pieces of trash.

An idea suddenly sprung to mind. This 'Prank War' might be useful after all...

...

"I see. So we can prank absolutely anyone, just as long as they don't die from it?" Szayel asked, looking up from his microscope for a minute to look at the fox-faced man standing in front of him. "Even Aizen?"

"Yep! Ya can even prank Tosen if ya wanna," Gin said, looking overjoyed.

"...I don't think I want to know," the scientist said after taking a look at Gin's demeanor. He leaned his bubble gum pink head back down to his microscope. "Now, go along and do whatever it is that Gins do."

_'Like terrorize small children...'_ he thought, but kept this to himself.

"Alrigh'. I get it. Ya want me outta tha way. Just one more thin', 'kay?"

The Octava sighed. "Fine. What?"

Gin leaned in and whispered something in Szayel's ear. He nodded to confirm that he heard.

"So ya'll do it?" the ex-shinigami asked expectantly.

"If I get the chance, yes. But you have to help _me_ with a prank if I do."

"Uh-huh. Pinky's helpin' me!" he said as he left. "Now to convince the Números..."

Watching him leave, Szayel gave a small smile.

...

Ulquiorra re-entered Hueco Mundo through the Garganta after getting what he needed from the World of the Living. The human girl at the store had given him a strange look when she saw what he was buying, but fortunately didn't ask any questions as she rang him up.

He sighed and headed towards Grimmjow's room. Entering, he noticed several small, multicolored toy mice scattered around on the floor. Frowning, he stepped over them and went over to his closet.

He opened it, glanced to his left, did a double take, and had a _major_ WTF moment.

_"What the..."_ Ulquiorra though, seeing what was on the left shelves.

After shaking his head and recovering from the odd, and somewhat disturbing, sight beside him, he filed the information away in his head, just in case. After a moment of consideration, he pulled out his iPod and snapped a picture, saving it. Might be useful later. Blackmail.

Finishing his business in the Sexta's room, he left, being careful not to leave any sign of his presence, other than the one in the closet, behind.

Heading to Nnoitra's room, he paused at the entrance. This was _definitely_ one of the last places he wanted to go into of his own free will. The Quinto Espada was creepy and perverted on his own. Ulquiorra really didn't want to know what his room was like.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and entered. Glancing around, he really didn't notice anything that odd in the room. Sure, it was messy, and there were magazines lying around that the Cuatro honestly didn't want to know about, but otherwise, it looked fairly norm-

Ulquiorra had looked up and stopped in mid thought. On the right wall, right above the Espada's bed, which really looked too small for him, there was a poster. But not a normal poster.

It showed several women ('_Five_' he decided after counting) that were posing in some rather... Provocative positions. To add to that, they were either in the process of removing various undergarments or, ahem, _al natural_.

After staring at the sight in front of him for a few more seconds, he blinked and looked away. Walking towards his fellow Espada's closet, he sighed, trying to clear his head and keep his eyes away from that poster. It was a good thing that he had good control of his emotions, otherwise...

After poking around in the Quinto's closet for a bit and finding what he was looking for, he left. He returned fifteen minutes later and put back what he had taken.

_'Revenge is a dish best served cold.'_

...

"Ulquiorra. Good to see that your little... 'Problem' is gone," Aizen remarked, smiling at the memory. Gin snickered, remembering the multiple styles Ulquiorra's hair had been in due to the other Espada's prank.

"Thank you, Aizen-sama," the Quatro said, closing his eyes as he did so.

He was sitting at his usual place at the table in the meeting room, along with several other Espada and Aizen. Gin and Tōsen were standing at their usual positions.

The sounds of rushing footsteps suddenly came from the hallway, followed by twin shouts of "ULQUIORRA!"

The meeting room's doors flew open, revealing two _extremely_ pissed off Espada standing in the doorway.

Everyone stared at Grimmjow and Nnoitra, blinking with shocked looks on their faces. Even Gin was speachless. Ulquiorra looked at them calmly, taking in their appearances before speaking.

"What is it, trash?" he asked, trying to sound serious. And since he was Ulquiorra, he succeeded.

"Ya know damn well what it is!" Nnoitra shouted at him. "Just look at our clothes!"

Tilting his head slightly, he simply said, "Pink doesn't suit you, Gilga. Nor you," he said, nodding at the bluennet in front of him.

"You bastard. What'd you do to my clothes?" Grimmjow snarled, taking what would have been a threatening step towards the Cuatro, if not for his current attire. Szayel was staring at the Sexta intently, a small smile forming on his lips.

"I have no clue what you are talking about, trash," he said, a smirk threatening to appear on his face.

"Ya do to, faggot mothafucker!" Nnoitra yelled, stomping up to the much, _much_ shorter Espada. Grimmjow did the same.

Before they could do any damage, Aizen spoke up. "My dear Espada, even though this is rather amusing, the meeting is about to commence. Please take your seats."

Grumbling, the two sat down, with Grimmjow having some trouble. Szayel's eyes widened as he watched this, his smile getting bigger.

"...This is the result of this 'Prank War', I presume," Aizen said, regarding their attire.

"Of coarse is is!" Nnoitra spat out.

"Ya really think we'd dress like this if we had tha' choice?" Grimmjow said angrily, pulling at what he was wearing. Szayel leaned on the table towards him, trying to get a better view. The guy was practically drooling.

"I see. Ulquiorra?" He turned to the Cuatro. "This is your doing, I'm guessing?"

"Yes Aizen-sama." As he said this, he was staring at his two victims with his usual emotionless-ness, although the amusement was clear in his eyes.

Nnoitra's eyes narrowed and Grimmjow growled, moving as to get up.

"Now you two. It was all in good fun, wasn't it, my dear Cuatro?" Ulquiorra scowled at the nickname, but held his ground.

"Yes sir."

"I'm sure we can find a... Solution to your problem," Aizen said, guestering at Nnoitra's spoon hood, which was dyed hot pink, and the tight, sequined, pink dress Grimmjow was currently wearing.

Starrk, finally finding his voice, spoke up. "Uh... Why's Grimmjow dressed like a drag queen?"

At that, everyone seemed to snap out of it. They immediately became uncomfortable around the two oddly dressed Espada and began to find ways to get out.

Yammy just yawned, got up, and left.

"I just remembered... I left the oven on," Aaroniero's older-sounding head said, while the younger-sounding one shouted, "You idiot! We don't have an oven!" Aaroniero ran out of the room before the head could say anything else.

Zommari stared off into space for a few seconds, blinked, then left, mumbling something about 'super rainbow sharks'.

"He must be high again..." Ulquiorra noted.

Harribel looked at her fellow Espada for a few more seconds before standing. "You'd look better with bows in your hair," she told Grimmjow, then left.

Baraggan stomped out of the room, muttering about 'the lack of respect in this establishment'.

Starrk stood, tried to say something, took one look at Grimmjow, and ran like hell.

That left Aizen, Gin, Tōsen, the two prank victims, Ulquiorra, and Szayel.

"Well," Aizen said, taking in the half-empty meeting room. "It looks like this meeting has been dismissed. Nnoitra, Grimmjow, please take care of your 'situations' by tomorrow."

Ulquiorra, taking note of Szayel's interest in what the Sexta was wearing, decided to take his revenge further. "Aizen-sama, Szayel might be able to help them with that."

While the two Arrancar's faces clearly said 'Hell no,', Aizen smiled and nodded, deciding to help his 'dear Cuatro' out. "Szayel, please help Nnoitra return his uniform to it's normal color, and _please_ help Grimmjow find something more manly to wear."

The scientist couldn't believe his luck. He grabbed the bluennet's arm and began dragging him out of the room. "I'm sure I can find _something_ for you to wear, _Grimmjow_," he purred.

"Get the hell off me! Aizen! Tell this fag to _let go_!"

"You shall not speak to Lord Aizen that way, Grimmjow," Tōsen said in a threatening voice, with Gin standing behind him giving Szayel an eager look.

"Kaname, I think that is a wonderful idea," their leader said, failing to notice Gin running out of the room.

"But Lord Aizen-"

Szayel had realized Gin had been staring at him, looked at Tōsen, and sighed.

He let Grimmjow go, then yelled "JUSTICE!" at the blind man. He proceeded to run out of the room, leaving some very confused Espada and ex-shinigami behind.

"The fuck?" Nnoitra said, just as confused as everyone else in the room.

"...At least he's not touching me anymore..." Grimmjow muttered.

Aizen raised his eyebrow at Gin's actions but said nothing. "Well, I'm sure we can replace your uniform," he said, smiling at the Spoonspada.

He turned to Grimmjow. "You however..." he looked the Espada over. "Ulquiorra? What did you do to Grimmjow's uniform?"

"...I hid it." he said after a few seconds.

"I believe he's suffered enough. Please return them to him as soon as you can."

"Can it wait until tomorrow, sir?"

"Why?"

"That's how long the problem with my hair lasted."

"Alright. As long as it _is_ related to this 'Prank War' of yours." Aizen got up to leave.

"Wait, so you're _not_ going to do anything about this?" Grimmjow asked.

"Of coarse not. You pulled a prank and Ulquiorra reacted. Simple as that." Aizen said before leaving.

Ulquiorra went towards the door as well. He looked over his shoulder as he left.

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it?"

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><p><strong>AN- ...Do you _really_ want to know what Grimmjow has in his closet? O.o**

**Anyways, I spent a lot of time trying to keep these guys in character. Did I succeed?**

**Review for Nnoitra's pink spoon hood. (Why does he wear that thing anyways?)**


	3. Let's Start a Riot!

**A/N- GAH! So sorry for the slow update. I've been incredibly busy lately...**

**Anyways, enjoy the prank-happy awesomeness that is TARYK. Oh, and for those Harribel fans out there, there's a heck of a lot of her in this chapter. :)**

**Disclaimer- I think everybody knows by now that I don't own Bleach, right?**

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><p>"I said no, dammit!"<p>

"Come on~"

"Will you two shut up already?" Starrk asked, lobbing one of his many pillows at Szayel, who was annoying Grimmjow with his gay ways.

That dress had done _wonders_ for their relationship. Meaning, of coarse, that Szayel now spent much of his time trying to get in the bluennet's pants (the 'Sex' in 'Sexta' had to mean _something_, after all), and Grimmjow spent his time avoiding him. Ulquiorra had been more than satisfied with the results of his pranks.

"I'll get you back for this, Emo Boy," Grimmjow spat at the Cuatro, batting Szayel away as he did so.

Upon hearing this, Ulquiorra raised his emerald eyes to meet sky blue ones. "You might want to deal with your boyfriend ther first, _Grimmjow_." he remarked, returning back to the Stephen King book he had been reading.

Nnoitra snorted. "Look's like I'm tha' lucky one."

"You're still spoon-less, you know," Starrk mumbled from his mountain of pillows. He had moved them into Las Noches' Relaxation room so that he could sleep. Aizen had told his army that everyone _had_ to stay out of their rooms between 10:30 am and 3:30 pm that week for "Friendship Time". It seemed that Aizen had finally lost it.

"Tch... I ain't gonna wear a pink hood."

"Why? 'Cause _Tesra_ wouldn't like it?" Grimmjow said teasingly, momentarily forgetting about the pink-haired pest next to him. Szayel took this opportunity and ran with it, grabbing him from the back and trying to drag him out of the room. He received a kick to his stomach for his efforts, knocking the wind out of him.

Before the Spoonspada could reply, Harribel entered the room. "This Prank War of yours... Can anybody join in?" she asked Ulquiorra, since Grimmjow and Nnoitra were now wrestling on the ground.

"You would have to ask those two pieces of trash to be sure, but I suppose so," he replied. She nodded.

Tōsen walked in a second later. "If you are going to continue with such activities, please get a room. You will ruin other's purity," he told Grimmjow and Nnoitra, who were in a... compromising position at the moment. Grimmjow was straddling Nnoitra's hips and had his hands on his shoulders, pinning him down, while Nnoitra's arms were wrapped around his waist, trying to get him off. Wonderweiss peered around Tōsen curiously, retreating when he caught sight of the Sexta.

"JUSTICE!" Szayel yelled along with several Números in the hall. The scientist ran out of the room before anyone could say anything.

Tōsen raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He left, Wonderweiss following. The small, childlike Arrancar made some indecipherable noises, to which the blind man replied, "Yes. We can get something to eat as soon as we finish with this."

Everyone stayed silent for a few seconds after they left before Nnoitra spoke. "How can he see us if he's blind?"

"It doesn't make anymore sense that that little brat's speech does," Grimmjow said.

"Which brings up another question- how can he understand Wonderweiss?" Harribel asked, still looking at the door.

He didn't answer her question, but Ulquiorra nodded towards Nnoitra and Grimmjow. "Wasn't there something that you needed to ask them?"

Nnoitra sat up quickly at the mention of Harribel asking him something, his pervy hormones going into overdrive. Grimmjow rolled his eyes at his reaction and looked at her with a slightly annoyed expression. "Well?"

"Can anybody participate in this 'Prank War'?"

"Yeah, I guess. Why? Ya gonna prank someone?" Grimmjow grinned wildly. "Ya need any help?"

"I can manage," she replied coldly, exiting the room.

"Geeze. PMS-ing much?" Nnoitra remarked, pushing Grimmjow off. "They're all the same... Stuipid-" He got hit by a pillow before he could finish.

"You don't have to be so sexist..." Starrk said sleepily, burying his head in a pillow.

"Well they're all weak! Every one of 'em!"

"I can still hear you, you know," Harribel called from somewhere out in the hallway.

"Che..."

Ulquiorra sighed, trying to return to his book again.

_'Wait, so the guy SDed? ...These stories are really screwed up...'_

...

Harribel continued on down the hall. Since she was able to participate in the Prank War, a certain someone was going to get what he had coming to him.

...

Walking down one of the many corridors on Las Noches' West side, Baraggan kept getting odd looks. It could have been because of Charlotte Chuhlhourne, who was prancing around talking about glitter and beauty, but most of the stares were directed at him, not the purple-haired transvestite currently skipping merrily down the hallway.

After one foolish Arrancar failed to stifle a giggle, the former king of Hueco Mundo decided to find out what the joke was.

"You!" he roared, scaring the Arrancar shitless. "What are you people finding so humorous about my appearance?"

"I-I," The inexperienced Arrancar paled to the point that his skin seemed to blend in with the mask fragment on his forehead. He shrank back until he was pressed up against the wall.

"Well?"

Starrk and Lilynette then rounded the corner. They stopped as soon as they spotted Baraggan. Lilynette began snickering while Starrk just blinked at him, to surprised to react.

"What?"

" _'All Hail Aizen'_?" Starrk said, trying not to laugh. Next to him, Lilynette was just barely containing her giggles.

"What! How dare you!" Baraggan shouted, thinking that the Primara was insulting him.

Gin chose that time to inspect that hallway. He quickly found what, or rather who, was creating the commotion Aizen had wanted him to check out.

"Oh my..." he said, snickering as his eyes caught what was on the back of Baraggan's uniform.

"What's so funny?" the old Espada spat, spinning around to glare at Gin, almost hitting Chuhlhourne, who skipped off down the hallway.

"Eh, I'll just let'cha figure it out on yer own. _'All Hail Aizen'_!" he shouted, running off the way he came, shoving a scrap of paper into Starrk's hands as he went.

Starrk looked at it for a second, nodded, then turned and continued on down the hall, Lilynette going after him.

'_Those rude imbeciles..._' Baraggan thought as he went to his quarters to figure out just what everyone had found so funny.

Standing in front of a mirror, facing forward, he couldn't see anything amiss.

From the side- nothing.

The back- his reiatsu exploded in anger.

'_All Hail Aizen_' was written on the back of his coat, the handwriting large but neat, and the letters a bright, florescent orange.

"The person who did this to the King..." he muttered as he stomped into an adjoining room to get a new coat. As soon as he entered, he practically howled in anger.

It seemed that the prankster had been even busier than he thought. The 'All Hail Aizen' message had been painted all over the place. On the walls, on the floor... Even on the ceiling. Bright blue, scarlet, black, neon green, purple, you name a color, it had been used to paint it.

"SON OF A-"

...

Harribel smirked slightly under her collar. The racket Baraggan was making could be heard echoing all around Las Noches, so she could clearly hear him from the library.

Ulquiorra looked up as a particularly loud shout echoed through. "...That is your prank, I presume?" he asked her, wondering what she had done to piss the old man off so much.

She nodded. "He had it coming."

"Wow. What'd you do?" Szayel asked, popping out from behind a bookcase. Grimmjow was apparently getting a little break.

"I left a few... Surprises for him," she replied vaguely.

After a minute or so of silence from the other Espada, Szayel suddenly spoke up.

"Oh! I just remembered. I'm supposed to spread this around..."

So he told them.

"So you actually expect us to do that?" Ulquiorra asked the scientist, slightly distracted by the sounds of Baraggan's rage.

"You don't have to, but it would be helpful. It _is_ part of the Prank War, after all." he replied, twirling a lock of bubble gum-pink hair around his finger in a very girlish way.

"..."

"Maybe."

...

_-Baraggan's Situation-_

Aizen had to send Tōsen and Ulquiorra out to calm Baraggan down in the end. He would have just sent Tōsen, but Baraggan had gone all Yammy on them and released his Resurrección in anger. Ulquiorra had to accompany the blind man due to Starrk being MIA.

After about thirty minutes of dodging the old man's Respira, Tōsen finally managed to restrain him using a Kidō spell, and Ulquiorra convinced him to seal his Resurrección. He had to explain the Prank War to him because the old man obviously had no sense of humor. (Ulquiorra does, apparently.)

...

_-Later That Day-_

Grimmjow crept down the hallway. He had thought of this prank around lunch, and had waited until just after dinner to initiate it. Right when most of the Arrancar in Las Noches were either showering, going to sleep, or just relaxing. Perfect time to cause some chaos.

Rounding a corner, he watched as Ulquiorra entered the site of his future prank. He waited a few minutes, knowing that it would have more of an effect if the Emospada was involved.

Taking aim, he quickly charged and fired a powerful Cero at the wall separating the women's shower room from the men's. It completely destroyed it, causing an instant reaction.

Several people began screaming, even some on the men's side. Grimmjow was confused for a moment, expecting curses and possibly a few wolf-whistles from them. Then the steam cleared a little and a very wet, _very_ naked Charlotte Chuhlhourne was revealed on the women's side, fully visible to the men. Several female Arrancar screamed upon realizing that a male (sort of) had been showering among them. The Sexta fell over clutching his eyes when he saw that.

How Chuhlhourne managed to get in there without anyone noticing them was anyone's guess.

There was a mad dash for the towels soon after that, along with some confused shouting.

"Wha-what's going on?" -Sounded like Luppi.

"The fuck? Oh, hello." -Nnoitra

"Trash..." -Ulquiorra

"Chuhlhourne! Get out of this shower! For the last time- You. Are not. A GIRL!" -Mila Rose

" 'Ello girls~" -Gin

"OMIGOD!" -Lilynette

"GIN!" -Starrk

After recovering from the sight of Chuhlhourne, Grimmjow just sat there watching everyone and laughing his ass off. Until he felt a cold presence behind him.

Turning, he found himself face to face with a _very_ pissed off, fully clothed Harribel.

"Oh crap..." he said, backing up.

"Humiliating women is _not_ something to laugh about."

"AHH!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN- Well, Grimmjow got his ass kicked in this one. Sorry Grimmy! The scrap of paper that Gin gave to Starrk and what Szayel told Ulqui and Harribel will probably be explained sometime in the next chapter or so.**

**Review!**


	4. Never Speak of It

**Spring Break! Alright! In addition to just being lazy this week, I managed to write this chapter, seeing as I haven't updated in over a month. Sorry!**

**And OMG did you guys see what's in the latest manga chapters? I nearly died! So freakin' happy! Now, Grimmjow better show up soon and help Ichigo beat the shit out of the Vander-howeverthehellyouspellit! :D Due to what's going on right now in the series, I decided to give a certain little Arrancar a cameo. :)**

**Disclaimer- Okay, this is the last time this'll show up, 'cause I'm tired of putting it in. I don't own Bleach or any other copyrighted material. This Disclaimer counts for all chapters following this one as well.**

**Oh, and if anyone's interested, I was listening to the song "Shut Me Up" by Mindless Self Indugence while writing this chap. Somewhat fits. Or sets the mood. Whatever. ("Make me hip like badass!" XD)**

* * *

><p>"Ah... Ahhhhh..."<p>

Harribel reached over and snatched whatever it was from Wonderweiss. "Don't eat things that you find on the ground."

He looked up at her, then reached for the thing again. His attention was then caught by a Dr. Suess book being set down in front of him and opened by a black-nailed hand.

"Where'd you even find that?"

"It turns out that there is a small children's section at the back of the library," Ulquiorra answered, re-opening his metaphysics book and being sucked back in. Harribel returned to her horror book, but was soon interrupted by Wonderweiss pulling at her hakama again.

"Again, remind me why we're watching him?" she asked, trying to figure out what he wanted. Tōsen could read him so much better.

"Tōsen had to go on a mission, Aizen-sama was busy, Wonderweiss doesn't like Gin, and we're the only Espada responsible enough to do the task, apparently," the Cuatro said, taking something else from the small Arrancar, who immediately picked yet _another_ something up.

"Okay, what are those?" Harribel asked, taking the object from Wonderweiss and holding it up to the light. A fuzz ball?

Ulquiorra inspected it, then pulled a little piece of the fuzz ball off. "It looks like hair. Blue hair at that," he said, narrowing his eyes.

"Blue hair? ...Grimmjow's?"

"It appears so. There aren't that many blue-haired Arrancar around," he said, rubbing the strands of hair between his fingers. "Yes, defiantly his."

"...They're covered with hair gel, aren't they?"

"Yes."

Ulquiorra marked is place in the book and stood, asking Harribel if she was going to stay for much longer. When she replied that she was, he took Wonderweiss with him in an attempt to give her a bit of peace, Hey, even Ulquiorra can be nice once in a while.

A few minutes later, the Cuatro realized that the small Arrancar was no longer following him. Turning, he saw that he had stopped a few feet behind him and was focusing his gaze on the wall. Ulquiorra moved in for a closer look. A piece of paper...

_'Ulkira, dont lok at this.'_

...What?

He heard a slight shuffling noise down the hall, where a large form was trying to hide itself behind a random Roman-style column.

The black haired man narrowed his eyes. "...Yammy, what are you doing?"

There was no reply, just some more shuffling. The idiot was _still_ trying to hide behind the little column...

"Yammy, you are not hiding yourself well. Even Wonderweiss saw you."

The oaf peeked around the column, then darted back behind it like a five year old playing hide-and-go-seek. Sighing, Ulquiorra glanced at Wonderweiss and then at the gigantic Espada in front of them. The blond seemed to get the message and walked up to Yammy, pulling on his jacket.

"Uhhhh... Ahh..."

"Beat it kid. 'M busy," he mumbled, swatting at him. This didn't faze the small Arrancar, who just kept pestering him.

"Quit it! I'm tryin' to play a-"

A bucket of green paint splattered over him.

"A prank?" Ulquiorra finished, setting the paint bucket down on the ground behind Yammy, sighing at the Espada's stupidity.

His face said it all. "How did I find you?" Ulquiorra asked, staring at the giant. "That is what you are thinking right now, I presume."

Yammy just took a step back, too surprised about the Cuatro's discovery of his prank to respond.

"You picked one of the worst possible hiding places in Hueco Mundo along with one of the worst pranks imaginable. You could have at least spelled my name right," he said, gazing at the piece of paper where his name was screwed beyond repair.

Leaving the giant alone to just stand there, covered with paint, Ulquiorra got Wonderweiss's attention and continued on his way.

As far as he knew, Yammy was still there an hour later trying to figure out how he had been reverse-pranked.

Ulquiorra's eyes settled back on Wonderweiss, who was walking steadily beside him. The only other person in Las Noches that could possibly watch him would be Starrk, but... Well, he would probably fall asleep. Scratch that. He would _defiantly_ fall asleep. And he couldn't really just leave him somewhere... He might unintentionally piss someone off.

So it looked like the little Arrancar was stuck with him.

After a quick detour, the pair ventured towards their destination. Upon arrival, Wonderweiss was warned, "I better not catch you in here at any other point beyond this." by the Cuatro, who reluctantly opened the door and allowed the other Arrancar to wander in.

Wonderweiss walked to the center of the room and looked around for a while before starting to glare at the twin-sized bed. Ulquiorra regarded him quizzically before setting the small stack of books down on the floor next to him, freeing his books in the process. He sat down a few feet away and began to read. The small boy just continued staring off in the bed's direction.

After about a minute of this, the Cuatro began to pay attention to that area as well. There didn't seem to be anything amiss, but paying attention to what Wonderweiss does could pay off in the long run. The kid was actually pretty smart, despite what Aizen said.

Then he heard it- a small scuffling noise. Barely discernible, but still there. From... Under the bed? Maybe one of the little hollow-lizards had gotten in (They had taken up residency in Las Noches recently).

Rising, he crossed the short distance, then kneeled down next to his bed, peering under it. At first, he didn't see anything. Then the colors white and blue stood out. The Cuatro frowned, then reached under the piece of furniture and roughly grabbed the figure by the collar, dragging him out.

"Grimmjow. What do you think you are doing?" he asked, forcefully pinning the larger Arrancar to the bed frame.

"Whadya mean?" the bluenette replied through a facefull of sheets.

"Why are _you_ hiding in _my_ room?" Ulquiorra demanded, giving his fellow Espada a death glare.

"Why's he here?" Grimmjow asked, changing the subject and pointing at Wonderweiss, who was flipping through Ulquiorra's metaphysics book absentmindedly.

"I am watching him for Aizen-sama. Now, answer my question."

"None of your buisness."

"I believe that it is."

"Is not."

"You are acting like a five year old. Tell me why you are here. _Now_," the Cuatro said in an extremely dark voice.

"And what'll you do if I don't? Tell Aizen?"

"Yes."

"Ooh, I'm so scared," Grimmjow drawled out, rolling his eyes.

"Grimmjow."

"My lips are sealed."

"_Grimmjow_."

"Threw away the key~"

"Are you drunk?"

"No. Just high on life. Unlike _some_ people."

Ulquiorra sighed, then slammed the Sexta to the floor, hand around his throat. "Answer me. Why were you under the bed?"

"Checking for monsters. Wouldn't want little Wonderboy here to get scared, would we?"

Only when Ulquiorra tightened his grip painfully did Grimmjow actually take his threat seriously. Glaring up at him, he asked, "Oh, but wouldn't that make _Aizen_ angry?", hoping that this would discourage him.

He froze, contemplating how his leader would react to Grimmjow being killed. Probably not well. Then again, he might throw a party to celebrate. The first outcome was more probable, though.

"...Fine," he said, letting go of the hollow's throat, thought he did grab his arm to prevent escape. "But you still have to answer me. What were you doing?"

"...Lookin' for your emo-journals."

"My... _What_?"

"Emo-journals," the Sexta replied, not bothering to elaborate.

"...And why why were you looking for these 'emo-journals' in my room?"

"Cause yer an emo!" Grimmjow explained, trying to yank his arm away. Ulquiorra just tightened his grip again.

"So I'm an emo?" he asked, then pulled something from his pocket. After quickly typing something in, he read off, "Emo. A style of rock music resembling punk but having more complex arrangements and lyrics that deal with more emotional subjects." ***** The pale man just raised an eyebrow and gave Grimmjow a bored look.

Face-palming, the bluenette groaned out, "Not _that_ kind of emo. Google it and see what comes up... Wait, where the hell'd you get an iPod?"

"Aizen-sama gave it-"

"Okay, stop. I don't wanna hear any more bullshit about Aizen, okay?"

"..."

"What?"

"Does this have anything to do with the Prank War?"

"Hell yeah! You forced me into a freakin' dress!"

"Are you sure that you didn't _like_ the dress? Szayel sure did."

"NO!"

"...I see. So you think that to get me back, you need to invade my bedroom and raid it?"

"Yeah."

"Well then, since you seem to think that I like to have my privacy invaded-"

"I was looking for emo-journals!"

"-then I suppose that you wouldn't mind this little picture getting out?" Ulquiorra finished, showing the Sexta a picture on his iPod.

His eyes immediately widened. "Wh-where'd you get that?" he demanded, trying to snatch the device away from the Cuatro, who just turned away and darted over to the other side of the room.

"I seem to recall an incident involving Nnoitra's spoon hood and what humans call a mini-skirt..." Ulquiorra said simply, looking at his iPod's screen with a mixture of bordom and amusement, if that's even possible. The strange thing was, he also looked like he was holding back a smile.

"You took a picture of it? What the hell man?" Grimmjow's voice rose to a shout as he stomped up to his, just barely missing Wonderweiss as he passed by. The poor guy nearly got stomped, which he didn't appreciate in the least. He righted himself and began glaring at the back of Grimmjow's head.

"Oh, so this bothers you?" the Cuatro asked, breaking character to annoy the lower ranked hollow, showing him the picture again. "Perhaps Harribel would be interested in seeing this."

"You better not show her! Erase it!"

"No, and I bet Nnoitra and Starrk would as well."

"You emo bitch."

"Gin and Aizen-sama... I bet they would be interested in exactly what you are hiding in the closet."

"Don't..." he said weakly. The strength suddenly returned to his voice. "If you show that to anyone, I'll fuckin' kill you! I swear!"

"Hmm... I won't show it, but you have to promise not to come in here ever again. Otherwise this picture spreads through Las Noches tonight."

"Okay, okay."

"Say it."

Grimmjow took a deep breath. "Fine. I promise not to try and find your precious emo-journals ever again."

"Good. Now get out of my sight, trash," Ulquiorra said, falling back into character and returning to his spot on the floor.

The Sexta left, probably to go beat a poor hollow half to death. Wonderweiss's eyes drifted from him to Ulquiorra and back.

He wasn't going to get off that easy...

...

"GIN! GET BACK HERE!"

Starrk and Harribel sighed. Earlier, Gin had walked up to Nnoitra and offered him a can of soup. When he declined that, quite rudely, might I add, he was offered a huge-ass grasshopper instead. So after the Quinto told the ex-shinigami to go away ("Fuck off," in Nnoitra-language), Gin shrugged, then dumped the soup over the Espada's head and shoved the grasshopper into his mouth, running off afterwords. As expected, Nnoitra had gone ballistic, chasing the silver-haired man, attempting to cero him.

The two men's childish antics were giving both Espada a headache, so Harribel took it upon herself to trip Gin and kick Nnoitra. Gin went sprawling out on the floor while Nnoitra went down with a groan, hoping that she hadn't permanently damaged anything.

"Finally!" Starrk exclaimed, immediately rolling over and falling asleep.

"Aww, why'd you have ta ruin tha fun, Hallie?" Gin whined, sitting up to pout.

"Because you were being incredibly annoying," she replied, closing her eyes.

"Hey," the fox-like man started after a minute of silence. "Anyone told ya about Tha Prank yet?"

"Szayel."

"And you gave me that note..." Starrk mumbled, burying his face in a pillow.

"Wha' prank?" Nnoitra asked, sitting up looking relatively unharmed. Harribel apparently hadn't hurt him _that_ bad.

"No one's told ya yet, Spoony?"

"No, and I'm not a damn spoon!"

"You explain it to him," Harribel told Gin, disappointed that she hadn't neutered the Quinto.

"Well, ya know how Aizen acts all high an' mighty 'n stuff?"

This was met with a nod, a grunt, and a "Damn straight." from his small audience.

"Okay, the goal is ta imitate him 'till he snaps, 'cause he never gets angry. At anythin'. Tha's what Pinky said we have ta do."

"Wait, Szayel came up with this?" the blond questioned, looking suspicious.

"Uh-huh," Gin replied happily.

"..."

"So we can make fun of him as much as we wanna?" Nnoitra asked, looking pleased at the thought.

"As long as ya don' get killed, then yeah."

"If you do it, then it can't be obvious. He can't suspect a thing," Harribel added, looking at the men in the room calmly.

"Okay," he said, piano-smile still present on his face.

"An' ya can't copy wha' the other little Arrancar do, m'kay?"

"Mmnh..." Starrk rolled over in his sleep, seemingly having a good dream.

"Heh, I'm in," Nnoitra declared, his smile spreading into a shit-eating grin. "So how're we gonna do this?"

...

_'Gah. Emo Bitch's hidin' his emo-journals...'_

Grimmjow kicked the wall in frustration. He loved messing with his fellow Espada, _especially_ Ulquiorra. Making that guy's emotionless façade crack... Best thing ever.

But that stupid above-it-all attitude... He hated it. And now the freak had blackmail material. Not good. No one could see that picture. _No one._ If he could have just found the bitch's emo-journals...

A bell-like sound echoed around. Lunchtime. Grimmjow turned around and headed towards the mess hall, where most of the other Arrancar not on missions were heading, including Yammy. No one really knew that guy could eat at meals, considering the fact that he ate so much in between. No wonder his Resurrección was so huge.

After retrieving a tray of something that he didn't bother to find out the name of, he plopped down at the Espada's table. Hey, as long as whatever the food was didn't look like something a smoker coughed up, he was happy.

Down the table, Starrk yawned, then asked, "Anyone _not_ heard about The Prank?"

Half of the Espada, Grimmjow included, gave him a blank look.

The Primera looked like he was going to say something, but then he caught Aaroniero's eye, err, _eyes_, and stopped. "Uh, Aaroniero, how are you eating?"

"Like this," the childish voice said. He pulled his left glove off, revealing Glotonería, which began to eat the mystery lunch. "Mmm, chicken," said the older voice.

The Arrancar sitting near him scooted their chairs away from him.

"Why did you have to ask that?" Ulquiorra asked Starrk, trying hard not to stare at the mouth-arm.

"I didn't need to know that..." Harribel muttered, looking in the other direction.

"Fasinating," Szayel said leaning forward to get a better look.

"Okay, none of us needed or wanted to see that," Starrk groaned, looking up at the high ceiling. "Szayel, tell them."

"Huh?" the Octava snapped out of his scientist-trance and blinked. "Oh, okay."

So he explained.

"Spread it to the Fracción, too," he added.

"So everyone's in on this? Even Emo Bitch here?" Grimmjow questioned, glaring at Ulquiorra.

"The picture," he said, poking at the food on his plate.

"Fine. Emo _Boy_. Happy?"

"No."

"Ah, he's never happy," Nnoitra drawled out, flicking a piece of food at Grimmjow, who returned the favor.

"Nnoitra, would you like me to inform the others of the contents of your room?" the Cuatro deadpanned, tentatively raising a piece of the food to his lips and taking a bite. He quickly changed his mind and just settled for the rice instead.

"Tch, nice threat. I don't care if anyone knows tha'," he sneered, flicking yet another piece of food at the Sexta.

"You don't care? Alright. Harribel, I just thought that you would like to know-"

Ulquiorra was smacked in the face by a glob of chicken-rice.

"Ha! FOOD FIGHT!" Grimmjow shouted, chucking his entire tray at the Spoonspada.

"Oh, it's on!" he shrieked, dodging and throwing his tray, which, due to Grimmjow side-stepping it, hit Di Roy, who had been standing behind him.

"Wha-" the dentist-bound Arrancar stammered before throwing a bowl of Aizen-knows-what back at the Espada. That one hit Zommari, who was apparently high on some type of anger-inducing drug, because he joined in as well.

"Ha!" Lilynette cried, slamming two plates of what appeared to be peas and mashed potatoes on Starrk and Baraggan's heads.

"You disrespectful little brat!" the old man roared, throwing a glass of wine in Lilynette's direction. The wine splattered over her uniform, turning it red, while the glass bounced off her helmet-like mask. She then ran off to throw something at someone else.

"Why us..." Ulquiorra mumbled, taking shelter under a table with Harribel and Starrk, who was hiding from Lilynette.

The mess hall was in chaos. Food and drinks were everywhere. Splattered on the walls and floor, flying through the air, on people. Some of the Arrancar were hiding under the tables like the three Espada, trying to stay out of the way, but most were throwing food around like madmen. Two tables had been turned over on their sides, with various Arrancar using them like forts, army style. Those who were were throwing "bombs" consisting of mashed potatoes, pudding, or chicken-rice at each other. Szayel, Aaroniero, and Yammy had joined in at some point along the line.

Shouts of "JUSTICE!", some with the phrase "mofo" added to it, were heard, along with the sounds of food splattering against something and a body falling to the floor.

"That would be Tōsen," Starrk declared, sweat-dropping.

"That's wonderful," Harribel commented, watching the chaos unfolding.

"Ooh, a food fight. Alrigh'!" A lot of clanging and squishing sounds followed.

"And Gin," Ulquiorra added, raising an arm to block the drops of food coming his way.

"Oh, _lovely_," a sarcastic male voice said from behind him.

"Luppi?" the three Espada said in unison, turning to look at the small Arrancar.

He gave then a weird look. "Of coarse. Did you think that you were the only ones not participating? Puh-_lease_. Chuhlhourne's somewhere around here too," he said, looking around at the other tables.

"No!" they cried, still traumatized by an earlier shower-related incident.

"Okay, fine," he said, wrapping his arms around his knees and muttering something about homophobes.

"If that's what we are, then get out," Starrk said, attempting to push Luppi out into the open with his foot.

"Hey! Stop!" He scrambled to stay under the cover of the table while flailing his arms, but stopped when a figure crouched down in front of him.

Gin just smiled at them before saying, "Oh, survivors? We can't have tha', can we?" He then proceeded to raise two buckets filled with pudding and spaghetti noodles respectfully.

"Don't you dare," Harribel said, backing up like the other table refugees.

"Bye bye~," the silver-haired man sang out.

Food splattered.

Chaos reigned.

...

"Broken bones. A fatality. Several Arrancar going into anaphlactic shock. _Traumatization_. What do you two have to say for yourselves?"

Aizen had eventually had to break the food fight up himself, but not before he was pwned by a bowl of salad and some tomato sauce, courtesy of a certain bluenette. He and his spoon-like partner in crime were now being lectured by Tōsen, having been reported by a very dirty, _very_ pissed off Ulquiorra. The Cuatro, along with the other refugees, were currently showering, attempting to rid themselves of the various unidentifiable foods that they had been pelted with, careful to not accidentally look at Chuhlhourne. The ones who _had_ participated in the fight were either, A- cleaning up the mess hall, B- lying unconscious in the medical wing, or C- ...Well, only Nnoitra and Grimmjow fit into this category. Their punishments were being determined by Aizen himself.

"Err..." the Sexta kicked at the ground, then decided to lick something off of his hand. He mumbled something about chocolate soon after.

"Justice?" the other food-fightee said hopefully.

"No!" Tōsen pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering what was wrong with the two Espada. He suddenly looked down as if startled by something.

Wonderweiss was grabbing at his leg in a loving manner, staring Grimmjow down coldly.

"What's with the brat?" the bluenette sneered.

"Wonderweiss mimics pure beings, seeing as he is one himself. I don't like you, so he doesn't either," Tōsen explained, patting the small Arrancar's head.

"Hey!" he complained, stomping his sandled foot, sending bits of food all over the place. Nnoitra snickered about this.

The Spoonspada began to say something, but was interrupted by Wonderweiss pointing a finger at Grimmjow and making one of his many odd sounds. A green blob came out of nowhere and hurled itself at the Sexta.

"What the-" He barely got this out before the small form slammed into his chest with a shout of "Super Acceleration!"

_-Five minutes of Nel's Glomp of Death later-_

Aizen entered the small room. "Well, my children, I have decided on your... Punishment," he finished awkwardly, taking in the occupants of the room.

Tōsen and Wonderweiss were sitting at one of the small tea tables set against the wall, the blind man drinking a cup of tea and the Arrancar enjoying a large cookie, both watching the others in amusement Nnoitra was leaning against a wall laughing himself to death despite himself, and Grimmjow was passed out on the ground in a large crater with Nel at his side, shaking and trying to revive him.

"Gwimmjow! No!" she cried, shaking him again.

"What happened to Grimmjow? Is that Nelliel? What is going on in here?" the leader questioned, walking further into the room with a shocked look on his face.

"Uh-oh," Nel muttered, glancing at Aizen before letting Grimmjow go and darting out of the room, shouting a goodbye to Wonderweiss.

Nnoitra gasped and sat up, wiping tears away from his eyes. "Damn. I hate tha' bitch, but tha' was fuckin' hilarious!" Then he saw Aizen. "Oh crap."

"Nnoitra, care to explain why Grimmjow is passed out?"

"Uh... The little bitch did it."

"And why was Nelliel here?"

"I don't freakin' know!"

"Wonderweiss?" Tōsen asked, turning towards the blond, who began making more of his odd sounds. Tōsen nodded in agreement the whole way.

"Ugh... What the hell happened?" Grimmjow groaned, sitting up and rubbing his head.

"It seems that Wonderweiss did not like how Grimmjow was fighting with Ulquiorra earlier, so he asked that girl to help him get him back," the ex-shinigami said, translating for him. "I suppose that you could call this a prank."

"So the brat pranked me with another brat? ...That doesn't seem like a prank to me."

"Wonderweiss considers it one, so it is a prank," Aizen declared, looking at the small boy proudly.

"Wha... You're playing favorites! Just like with Ulquiorra!"

"I don't play favorites. Even with Ulquiorra. Now, about your punishment..."

"Dammit," both Espada cursed. They had been hoping that he had forgotten.

"You two have to clean all of the restrooms and showers in Las Noches."

"What? No!"

"Are you disobeying orders?" Aizen asked, allowing his spiritual pressure to rise a bit, choking them.

"N-no..."

"Good. Now, while you are cleaning..." He reached into a bag that he had brought with him. "You will wear these," the leader declared, pulling out two pink, tie-dye-flowered, aprons sized perfectly for the two trouble makers. They were accompanied by two pairs of bright yellow rubber gloves covered by little rubber-ducky designs. Flower wearing hippy-ducks, that is.

"What the _fuck_?" Nnoitra said in horror.

"Hell no!" the bluenette practically yelled, shocked by the girly cleaning items.

"It's your punishment," the brown-haired man said, throwing the bundles into their hands. "Happy cleaning!"

Aizen left the room humming the tune to some pop song and was soon followed by an amused Tōsen and Wonderweiss, leaving Grimmjow and Nnoitra to stare at the apparel in their arms, appalled.

* * *

><p><strong>*<strong>- **Definition straight from the Dictionary on my iPod.**

**...**

**A/N- Heh, go Wonderweiss!**

**Okay, I'm kind of stuck on deciding who's going to get pranked next, so I'm going to let you guys pick. Aizen is obviously going to be the victim of a massive prank soon, so... Would you guys rather see Gin, Starrk, Aaroneiro, or Harribel get pranked? Anyone else?**

**Review and tell me! Do it for poor Wonderweiss! (How could you, Yamamoto? And what's with the eyebrows? D: )**


	5. Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

**A/N- You read it right. Try to keep those perverted thoughts to a minimum while reading this. Tell me if you fail. XD**

**I got a surprising number of people asking me to prank... well, everybody. So that's just what I did. :)**

**Warning- this chapter is the reason I consider this crack. Just saying, 'cause the absurdity levels are off the charts with this one. (WTF was going on with my mind? O.o)**  
><strong>There are also some... suggestive themes in this. Forgive me! I did NOT expect it to end up like this. But I'm so glad that it did.<strong>

* * *

><p>Starrk raised an eyebrow as Nnoitra came running into the Relaxation Room, closely followed by Grimmjow, who was nearly shouting "You did not!" repeatedly, trying hard not to laugh.<p>

"D-Did so!" the giant spoon told him between laughs.

"Go ahead and kiss your ass goodbye, Spoon!" the Sexta gasped before collapsing against the wall, roaring with laughter.

"What'd you do?" Starrk asked, rubbing his eyes. Lilynette had woken him up earlier to ask if she could go play with Wonderweiss. And, of course, "waking up" to her means "Punch Starrk in the gut until he pukes".

"N-Nothin'," Nnoitra replied, clutching at his cramping sides.

"Just a-a prank," Grimmjow added, slumping to the floor.

"On who?"

"No one," came the answer.

Starrk just sighed and laid back on his pillows again. If they weren't going to tell him, he wasn't going to push it.

...

Aaroniero kept walking down the hallway despite all of the stares and whispers he was receiving. He was used to it; someone had started up a rumor saying that he kept a lizard head hidden behind the long mask he constantly wore. The truth would have really freaked them out, so he didn't bother to correct it. Anyways, their reactions were... different today.

Yammy came stomping by in his usual looking-for-Ulquiorra-or-lunch way, then stopped and did a double take. If even _he_ stopped to stare, Aaroniero knew something was off.

"Yammy," he said in his older-sounding voice. "What are you looking at?"

"Uh..." The big brute blinked slowly a few times before turning. "...Urrrqlora's looking for me." He then continued on his way, droning out everything again and knocking over several Arrancar that were in his path.

Aaroniero turned to continue on his way, hoping that he could find somewhere more, well, normal. Then he ran straight into Aizen. He was just standing there, a mix of a surprised and amused expression on his face.

"Good morning, Aizen-sama," he said, bowing. "Is something wrong?"

"You've joined the Prank War, haven't you, my dear Espada?"

"Yes," he replied, remembering Szayel's prank and wondering if he should initiate it. Now didn't seem to be the right time...

"Well then..." Aizen reached up behind Aaroniero's ruffled collar and pulled a sticky note off. "I believe that one of your siblings has got you."

He walked away down the hallway, a peaceful smile on his lips. Many calls of "Good morning, Aizen-sama," and bows from the various Arrancar milling around followed him.

The Espada just stood there for a second, staring at the note.

_'Do Not Tap Glass.'_

He stared at it for a while longer, then started thinking. Whoever had put the note on him must have known about what was actually under his mask... but that only included the rest of the Espada, their fracción, Gin, Tōsen, Aizen, the Privaron...

Okay, a lot of people.

Aaroniero headed off on his way, remembering the Espada meeting that had been called for later on.

...

_-About Two Hours Earlier-_

Staring into her closet. That was all that Harribel had been doing for a few minutes now. She had woken up from a deep slumber and walked over to the closet only to find...

All of her jackets were missing. _All_ of them. Even the regular Arrancar jacket she still had from before she had customized her outfit. The only one that she had left was the one that she was wearing- a small tanktop that she often slept in, and there was no way she was going out there with _that_ on. Too many perverts that needed to get their acts straightened out.

There was a small knock at her door before it creaked open a bit. "Harribel-sama?"

"Yes, Sung-Sun?" the blond Espada answered, turning to the door.

"Oh... sorry. I'll come back later..." her fracción said, seeing that she wasn't dressed yet.

"What are you nervous about? It's nothing that you don't see every day."

"...I guess," she admitted, opening the door a bit wider. "I just wanted to remind you... an Espada meeting's been called today."

"Understood." As the slightly embarrassed Sung-Sun went to close the door, Harribel spoke again. "You three didn't mess with my jackets, did you?"

"Um, no. Sorry, Harribel-sama. Is this a part of the Prank War?"

"...Perhaps," she muttered after thinking about it for a moment.

"...I think Mila-Rose and Apacci are fighting again..."

"Go ahead."

As her fracción left, she reached a conclusion. If this was a prank, then she would have to get _them_ back.

...

For the first time in... _ever_, Nnoitra and Grimmjow had arrived at a meeting before anyone else. So, of course, Ulquiorra was somewhat concerned for his own well being when he found them sitting placidly at the table.

"...What did you do?" he questioned, casting a wary eye around the room.

"Che, we didn't do anything to getcha this time, Emo Bitch," Grimmjow spat out, leaning back in his chair even further.

"I am not "emo", nor am I a "bitch", Grimmjow," he said, quoting him while taking his seat across from the Sexta reluctantly. As much as he found swearing to be pointless, he enjoyed the look that came over people's faces when he did so. Especially Grimmjow's.

"Yeah you are. Wanna know how I know?"

"The pictures, Grimmjow."

That shut him up.

The door to the meeting room was flung open a second later, a sleepy Starrk getting kicked in by Lilynette soon after. He picked himself off the floor as the door slammed shut, cursing under his breath. Then he saw who was sitting at the table.

"Whoa. I'm not going to get electrocuted or anything when I sit down, am I?" the Primera asked, showing even greater concern than Ulquiorra had.

"Why does everyone think we did somethin'?"

"Because of what you did to my hair," Ulquiorra elaborated, closing his eyes.

"Hey, did anyone take a picture of that?" Grimmjow asked as Starrk slowly took his seat.

"No," Nnoitra replied sadly. "Should've..."

"I think Gin did," the Cuatro interjected. "He has a scrapbook."

"Full of wha'?"

"Pictures."

"No shit, Sherlock. Of what?"

"...Things."

"Quit being all mysterious and crap! Tell us what the pictures are of!" Grimmjow demanded.

"...Some of them... You don't want to know."

Everyone stayed silent as the rest of the Espada arrived, as well as when Aizen and company showed up.

"Good morning, my children," he said as Tōsen brought a large tea kettle to the table. "Harribel has informed me that she will be a bit late tonight, so until she arrives, enjoy the tea!"

"Why do we always have tea? Why not that human drink, soda or whatever?" Grimmjow complained, looking down at the teacup that Tōsen was setting down in front of him.

"Because soda is unhealthy, Grimmjow," the blind man informed him.

"Che... Shu-"

"It's different tea this time," Aizen obliviously interrupted as Gin happily passed out tea bags to the individual Espada. "Unique flavors for all of you!"

"Aizen-sama?" Aaroniero piped up, staring at his tea bag. "Mine says "Fish Flakes"..."

"...An exotic flavor, perhaps?" his leader guessed as he allowed his own tea to seep.

The Espada stared down at the bag for a second before dropping it into his teacup. _'Yeah, "exotic flavor" my ass.'_

They all sat in awkward silence for a few minutes, some enjoying their drinks (Ulquiorra, Tōsen, and Aizen), while others just sipped at it. Grimmjow didn't touch his.

All was calm. That is, until Harribel walked in.

Nnoitra spat out his mouthful of coconut-flavored tea and began gawking. Grimmjow copied him, his mouth open in awe.

Starrk looked up at her, then laid his head back down and fell back asleep.

Baraggan's eyes went wide as he stared in his old-man pervyness.

Szayel glanced over, shrugged, then went back to studying his tea.

Ulquiorra just looked in her direction once before closing his eyes again.

"What, you started without me?" Harribel asked, walking towards the table.

Gin's pale blue eyes actually opened as Aizen's teacup smashed against the floor. You would have thought that he would have known about _that_.

Harribel had just walked in, minus a shirt, with only her mask fragments covering herself. And as anyone who has seen it knows, that mask doesn't cover much. Hey, she figured that if one of her fellow Espada wanted to see some skin, then she'd show it. And get her answers.

"Well?" she said, uncrossing her arms.

"AH!" Nnoitra fell back with an immense nosebleed. He peeked back over the table a second later, a hand pressed to his gushing nose.

"Harribel... How, uh, nice for you to join us," Aizen sputtered, partially regaining his cool.

"Aizen-sama," she acknowledged, nodding. "Now, I want to know who took my jackets, and I want to know _now_."

Nobody answered, either still looking at an area other than her face or looking away. Or, in Zommari's case, just staring at his own hand, mumbling on about caterpillars.

"I know that it was one of you. Somebody best say something, or things are going to get real ugly, real fast."

"...Nnoitra..." Starrk mumbled, half asleep.

"What!" the Spoonspada barked through his bloody nose.

"Heard him talking earlier... to Grimmjow..." the Primera got out before he started snoring.

Harribel turned on Nnoitra.

"No! It wasn't me! It was... Ulquiorra!"

Said Cuatro just kept his head down, ignoring the current situation.

"No it wasn't," she said calmly, taking a step towards him.

"Yes it was!"

"No, it wasn't. Unlike you, some people are more respectful to females."

"Uh... Not everyone is wha' they seem! He's a, um... a sex deviant!"

"_What_!" Ulquiorra snapped, wrenching his eyes open to glare at him. Grimmjow started laughing at this sudden show of anger.

"Uh, nothin'."

"I'll have you know, Quinto, that I already knew about the placement of her mask."

"WHAT?"

"My jacket got sliced during a sparring session. That's all."

"Lucky bastard..." Nnoitra mumbled before Harribel let loose the Rage Of the Tres Espada on him.

"AH! SONNA BITCH!"

The rest of the males in the room cringed as they watched, thanking Aizen's soon-to-be god form that they weren't Nnoitra.

...

"Come on! We gotta get that old perv!"

Harribel's three fracción were trekking through one of Las Noches' back hallways, trying not to be seen. They were toting several buckets of pranking materials, all to be used for revenge. Since Harribel's jackets had disappeared earlier that day, the three girls had decided to get back at who they thought was responsible. AKA- Baraggan.

"Don't tell me what to do, Apacci!"

"Oh, shut it!"

"Will you two stop arguing like idiots?" Sung-Sun asked exasperatedly while waving her sleeved hand for emphasis.

"Well, stop acting like you're all high and mighty, Snake Girl!"

"You're just jealous because Harribel likes me best."

"_What_?"

"You react too much."

The trio continued to argue for a good ten minutes before they finally remembered what they had been doing.

"Uh, anyone remember where the old fart's room is?" Apacci asked.

"I do," Mila Rose replied, adjusting her skirt. "Not that difficult to remember. He's always staring at me and Harribel..."

"So you're saying that he doesn't stare at us? What, am I ugly or something?" the tomboyish Arrancar demanded.

"She's just saying that Baraggan stares at them more," Sung-Sun elaborated, trying to calm her down. "They're more... _endowed_ than we are."

Apacci glared at her for a second before looking away, grumbling to herself.

"So... lead the way, Mila Rose."

_-An Hour Later-_

The trap was set. The girls were in hiding. All that remained was their victim...

They heard footsteps approaching the door. Bingo.

Breath was held as the trap was close to being sprung. Just a simple trip wire, set to launch a couple dozen water balloons filled to their bursting point with colored water. Nothing special.

There was a small twanging sound, followed some snapping, then a _lot_ of splashes.

"_What the hell?_"

"Uh... That wasn't Baraggan," Mila Rose said, worried.

"Well, duh," Apacci breathed, standing. "Come on. Lets go see which sucker we got."

Upon investigating, they found a small statured, Gothic-Lolita-themed Arrancar sitting in a pool of multi-colored water and popped balloons.

"Cir-Cirucci?" she studdered.

"What did you do?" the purple-haired girl shouted, staring at her now rainbowed dress. "You ruined it!"

"Uh..." Sung-Sun backed away, covering her mouth again.

"What're you doing here?" Mila Rose asked, helping the fallen Privaron up.

"I..." She frowned before continuing. "...thought that if I helped out Baraggan, that when he took the crown again, I could go back to being an Espada."

"Well, he isn't going to help. He's just an old perv."

"Why'd you throw those things at me?" Cirucci demanded, pointing at the destroyed balloons.

"They were supposed to hit Baraggan."

"Do you three have a death wish?"

"He keeps harassing Harribel-sama..."

"Let me help."

"Huh? Why?" Sung-Sun blinked.

"Aizen never gives us Privaron anything to do other than guarding. We get bored."

"Uh, well, sure."

"Great. Now what?"

...

Aaroniero was walking towards his quarters, arguing with himself over who had it out for him. After Harribel had finished with poor Nnoitra, who was now lying crippled and possibly neutered in the medical wing, he had walked out of the meeting room only to find multiple posters showing fish, sea anemone, and octopi posted to the wall. The Noveno had ripped them down, but found that still-sticky glue was completely covering both sides, resulting in his hands becoming Sea World advertisements.

With a bemused Szayel's help, he was able to get the posters off, though the dried glue did manage to take some of his skin off. However, he still had the feeling that things were _not _over. Not by a long shot.

Still mulling things over, he passed by a door leading to another hallway, then stopped and backed up. He was listening to several female voices that were saying some _very_ interesting things.

"No, not that hard! You're going to break it!"

"What's wrong with that? It'll be better this way, right?"

"No! It- oh... You're right..."

"So you just stick that in here and..."

"Oh! Okay. Like this?"

"Yeah..."

"Hey, bring that over here. I need it."

"But she's using it!"

"It's so slippery..."

"Ssh! What if he gets back before we finish?"

"Oh, don't worry. We'll be done long before- AH! Hey, don't do that! You'll give me a bruise!"

"Don't be such a pansy. If you keep arguing, we'll never-"

"Ah... Done."

"What? Oh, good. Now, I just need to finish..."

"Let me."

Aaroniero's two faces turned pink (or whatever happens when he gets embarrassed) and he ran off to tell the others what he had just heard without even seeing what actually was happening.

A second later, a disgruntled Apacci flung open the door and looked around. "Weird. Thought I heard something."

She turned and walked back to the other girls, who were kneeled around a large, wooden catapult which required screws to be screwed in with Mila Rose and Apacci's drill, wooden pegs that Cirucci had been forcing into small holes, and hinges that Sung-Sun had to attach and grease.

In all, it was a very thought-provoking device.

"Now, all we need to do is set up the trip wire and load it," Cirucci declared mischievously while stretching a lenght of thin wire between her gloved hands.

After that was done, all four girls stepped into the shadows with devilish grins on their faces, waiting for their intended victim to come along.

Five minutes later, the door was opened. The person responsible entered and snapped the wire, immediately looking up as he did so.

Tōsen received a face full of lemon juice as a result. He started spitting out the sour liquid as the panicking quartet jumped to their feet.

"Wrong person..." Sung-Sun said, sweat-dropping.

"Why do so many people keep coming down this hall?" Apacci asked, starting to get pissed off.

"It's a shortcut to the training grounds," Cirucci told her.

"Girls," Tōsen started, causing them to jump. "Care to tell me why I am covered in- _lemon juice!_" He doubled over, grabbing at his unseeing eyes as some of the liquid ran into them.

Cirucci grinned as she watched the man's pain, while Sung-Sun gave him a random bucket of water and asked, "You're a bit sadistic, aren't you?"

"I'm not going to deny it," she said as Tōsen cursed and tried to flush his eyes out.

"Now then," he said as he stood, apparently having gotten the stinging substance out. "I believe that this is in order." The ex-shinigami then whipped a giant pie out of nowhere and took aim.

"The _hell_?" Apacci exclaimed as she and the others backed up in shock.

As Tōsen let loose the pie, they sonidoed out of the way. However, the pie defiantly hit something.

"'Ello~!" Gin greeted happily, covered in whipped cream and pie filling from head to toe, surprising everyone.

"G-Gin?"

He giggled. "Ya know tha' it was Spoony that pranked Hallie, righ'? Not tha old guy?"

"What?"

"Uh-huh," Gin confirmed to their horror. He pulled a roll of duct tape from his pocket. "Now..."

Cirucci stomped up to him, much to his confusion. "Wha're you-"

She promptly pushed him backwards into a pit.

"Why... did you..." Mila Rose said in confusion as Tōsen snuck off so that he wouldn't be blamed.

"It's Szayel's turn to have a go at him," she replied nonchalantly before walking away.

"Okay then?" she said, turning to the other two. "...Let's never talk about this again... Okay?"

"Okay..." they agreed.

The gang departed, off to find Harribel.

...

Gin blinked groggily. The last thing he remembered was falling... And Cirucci standing over him.

The sound of a throat being cleared brought him out of the perverted depths of his mind. He looked up to find Szayel standing there, grinning in that narcissistic way. His blood instantly ran cold; being in the same room with the Octava was everyone's worst nightmare. In fact, Gin was pretty sure that even Ulquiorra had nightmares about that. He _had_ heard him mumbling something about something with pink hair trying to kill him in his sleep once.

_(Am I the only one that sees something wrong with that? o.O)_

"Hello Gin," Szayel greeted, taking a step towards him. Gin tried to scoot away, but found that he was strapped securely to one of the steel examination tables. Not good.

"Wha..."

"Oh, I figured that I'd _really_ make myself part of the Prank War," the pink-haired man said, picking up a box and reaching inside.

"Wait, wha're ya-" He stopped short. Szayel had pulled a black, frilly maid cosplay out of the box and was now holding it happily. "No..."

"Yes!" the scientist chirped before unstrapping Gin from the table, much to his confusion, and throwing the costume at him. "If you don't put it on in five minutes, then you'll get knocked out, and then I'll have to do it." He seemed all too happy at the idea of this as he left the room.

Gin looked down at the cosplay in horror. He didn't want to put it on (well, maybe a little), but he didn't want _him_ to do it either. So, five minutes later, Gin Ichimaru was standing demasculinized in the middle of Szayel's lab, in the maid outfit, having ridiculous make-up applied to his face.

"Why?" he whined, desperately trying not to sneeze from the powder while Szayel had what looked like a medieval torture device near his eye. He pulled it away, letting Gin know that it was just an eyelash curler from the looks of them. The poor eyelashes were then attacked with a tube of mascara.

"Because," Szayel said as he managed to get the make-up on like a pro without poking his eye once. This left many, many questions in poor Gin's mind.

"...'Cause why?" he hesitantly asked.

"Because I felt like it," the nerdy man said, taking a step back to admire his handiwork. "All done!"

"Can I go now?" Gin asked, relieved to have him out of his personal bubble.

"Not yet. Swallow this," he commanded, pinching a pink pill between his fingers.

"No!" the man shouted, attempting to run away from the Espada. He simply frowned, tripped him, then pinned him down. The pill was then forced into Gin's mouth and chased down with water that Szayel had poured over his face.

Sitting back and smiling, he asked, "So how do you feel?"

Gin sat up and looked at him, frowning. Then his pedo-smile reappeared as he let out a giggle.

The Octava's smile disappeared in a second.

"Oh shit."

...

"...This is what's in his closet?" Harribel asked Ulquiorra, looking at his iPod's screen with a raised eyebrow.

She was now actually wearing a jacket thanks to Nnoitra having been forced to give them all back.

"Yes," he said, taking the device back. "I thought that you would like to see it."

"...Interesting..."

Just then, Szayel and Grimmjow came running around the corner, yelling their heads off. Ulquiorra quickly shoved his iPod into his pocket.

Both Espada ran up to them, the Sexta yelling "Run, Emo, run!" while the Octava was screaming "It didn't work! It didn't work!"

"What didn't work?"

"My OOC Pills!"

"What?"

"GIN'S GONE CRAZY!" Lilynette yelled as she and Starrk came hurtling around the corner, the Primara looking as if he had just woken up from a nightmare.

"Why is this happening?" Aaroniero wailed, appearing right after them, covered with sticky sardines and candy fish.

Everyone stared at him.

"What the fuck?" Grimmjow asked for them, looking at one of the fish with a hungry look, completely forgetting about the current problem.

"...What are you guys freaking out about?" Harribel asked calmly, ignoring Aaroniero's situation.

"Gin!"

"What about him?"

"He's insane!"

Not a second after that was said, one of the walls near them exploded. While the gathered Espada were standing there, stupefied, Gin came walking from the dust, maid cosplay blowing about dramatically in the random breeze, face covered in drag queen-like make-up, with his bazooka in hand, smiling demonically.

"Hello~," he said in a slightly off-sounding voice, raising his bazooka.

"No," Szayel gasped, taking a step back along with everyone else.

"And bye bye~!" Gin sang darkly, pulling the giant gun's trigger and sending a rocket at them.

"Fucker!" Grimmjow yelled, running for his little kitty life.

"Aizen-sama!" Ulquiorra actually yelled, seeing as the rocket was a heat seeking one.

"I'm not here!" his leader shouted while barricading himself and Wonderwiess in his throne room.

"Damn him!" Grimmjow cursed again.

Harribel came to sudden halt, pointing her finger directly at the rocket and quickly charging and firing a yellow cero. The rocket exploded, destroying the majority of the hallway and bringing the four Espada and Lilynette down to the ground. Within a second, Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were up and pinning Gin down, having confiscating his bazooka.

'_Where did he even get that?_' Ulquiorra wondered before discarding the thought. With Gin, you really couldn't ask questions.

The shinigami in question wouldn't stop wiggling around, so the Sexta knocked him out. Gin was a lot easier to handle after that.

"At least I don't have to deal with any more... jokes," Aaroniero finished as he was pelted with fishy crackers. He turned just in time to see a small, oversleeved, white and black figure running away while laughing. "LUPPI!"

"...He was the one pulling the fish jokes?" Ulquiorra asked to no one as Aaroniero went in pursuit.

"Fuckin' genius!" Grimmjow cackled.

"My OOC Pills have to be perfected!" Szayel cried as he ran off in the direction of his laboratory, leaving Starrk, Lilynette, Harribel, Grimmjow, the unconscious Gin, and Ulquiorra in the midst of the rubble.

"Um... We've got to..."

"Go..." Starrk finished for Lilynette before they both retreated.

"...What are we going to do about..." Ulquiorra trailed off, watching Gin as he curled into a ball and mumbled something about "his special, special friend".

Everyone was silent before Grimmjow grinned and slyly said, "I gotta idea."

...

A few hours later, Aizen finally emerged from his throne room, where he had been playing Scrabble with Wonderweiss (he mostly put 'Ahh's in), wanting to see what kind of damage the psycho-pedo had done to his palace. It looked like he had just destroyed one of the hallways, so that was good.

In the middle of his inspection, Aizen tripped over something. Looking down, he found where Gin was.

Our beloved fox-faced shinigami was lying on the floor, totally wrapped in duct tape. A large mustache was drawn onto his face with a marker, along with the word 'FOOL' written along his forehead in spiky, but neat, handwriting.

The great leader sweat-dropped. Well, at least no one had gotten hurt...

* * *

><p><strong>AN- ...Szayel's OOC Pills will make another appearance soon. I think. As for Aaroniero's misinterpretation of things- this was the first time that I've ever written anything like that, real or not. Was it okay?**

**Speaking of the OOC Pills, I'm about 99% sure that I've read a fic involving something like them before (Might've involved the Gotei 13 instead, though). If anyone does know about it, can you tell me its title? I'd be extremely grateful if one of you wonderful readers could help with this. I just really don't want to subconsciously copy anything. *becomes paranoid***

**Now that that's over with, review please! Ya know ya wanna. :)**


	6. We All Have a Hell…Just Not Like This

**A/N- Okay, I couldn't stop myself from writing this. Too much going on for me not to have something to do. But in other news... SUMMER'S HERE! :D Finally done with this crappy school year. And I've got something planned that you guys will either love or hate me for. Deets are at the end's A/N.**

**Beware! Szayel has perfected his OOC Pills! Or has he? OOC-ness is abound!**  
><strong>...You know what? You can't even call this OOC. This is beyond OOC. This. Is. MADNESS!<strong>

* * *

><p>"And you're sure that this won't hurt them?" Aizen asked worriedly, watching as Szayel added a purplish powder to the other Espada's already-set out teacups.<p>

"Other than affecting their personalities, it shouldn't have any adverse effects," the Octava reassured him. "Though I don't know how and for how long..."

"Alright... Gin?" the brown-haired man called.

"Yea'?" he responded, popping out from under the table, where he had been reading a shōjo manga.

"If you would, please go alert the Espada of this meeting."

"Aye-aye Captain!" he cheered, saluting before giggling and running out of the room.

Aizen sighed. Lately, Gin had been referring to him as a pirate captain, or a medieval king, or something else leader-ish. Not that he was complaining, but the pirate-related comments were getting annoying. Plus, he had no idea why he was doing this.

He was forced to forget this dilemma when Szayel started messing with one of the giant chairs set around the table.

"Szayel... what are you doing?"

"Trying to see how this chair was carved. It's so... perfect!"

"...Wonderful."

...

"If ya want my body and ya think 'm sexy come on sugah let me know!"

"For the love of... Shut up!" Grimmjow roared, throwing one of Starrk's many pillows at Nnoitra, who was dancing around the room, singing along with his portable CD player. And he sounded _terrible_.

The thrown pillow had been yanked away from a stack, causing the collapse of the fort that Ulquiorra, Starrk and Harribel had built for Wonderwiess to hide in.

"...It took us forever to stack those," Starrk growled as Wonderwiess emerged out from under the blanket that had been serving as the fort's roof.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? He won't shut the hell up!"

Even after getting nailed by the pillow, Nnoitra continued to screech away.

The Primera blinked at the idiot for a second before rising and approaching him. "Nnoitra..."

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts!"

Starrk sighed, then snatched the CD player from the Spoonspada's belt, ripping the headphones out in the process.

"Wha'-"

The CD player was thrown across the room, then destroyed with a blue bala in midair.

"Wha' the fuck, Wolf Boy?"

"It's for all of our sanity."

"Then why does he get ta keep his?" he demanded, jabbing his finger at Ulquiorra, who had earbuds in. Well, one earbud, since his mask remnants kind of blocked his left ear.

"Because he isn't singing along with whatever it is."

"I could, but it probably wouldn't sound too good," the Cuatro commented, fiddling with his iPod.

"Gimme tha'!" Before he could react, Nnoitra had snatched the device away and ripped the earbud free.

Ulquiorra just stood silently and tried to snatch it back, but the spoon just held it a good ways out of his reach.

"Quinto..."

"TDWP? Kinda stereotypin' yourself, doncha think?"

Ulquiorra kicked him in the shin.

"That's one way to deal with him," Harribel commented, watching as Ulquiorra tried to pry his iPod out of his grip. When that didn't work, he threatened to cero his head.

He let go.

"Hey kiddies~!" Gin called from the doorway, causing everyone to shutter. The great Psycho-Pedo incident wasn't helping with their trust.

"Aizen said ta bring ya to tha meetin' room."

The Espada glanced warily at each other. Gin's smile was really getting to them.

...

"Good afternoon, my dear Espada. I have a few matters to discuss with you, so please, enjoy your tea," Aizen said in his normal prideful way.

"Okay, one- how the heck do you know the time of day here? And two- what is it with you and tea?" Grimmjow demanded.

While Tōsen glared daggers at him (he seemed like he could see everything... even when he couldn't), Aizen pretended like he wasn't bothered.

"Tea drinking is mandatory this time, as tea is good for you and promotes longevity."

"So?"

"If you don't drink it, then you won't get to go on any more missions."

So everyone drank. Or chugged.

"Ahem. As we all know, there has been an increase in the recent hollow-lizard infestation. While Wonderwiess does seem to like playing with them, they are a nuisance. The stomp-and-kill methods deployed by Grimmjow, Yammy, and Nnoitra also does not seem to be working. So I propose-"

"Aizen-sama~," Aaroniero suddenly whined childishly. "This is _boooorrrrr_-ing~!"

Aizen blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Boring~!" Aaroniero began to pout as much as a fishtank-headed Arrancar could, knocking over his Glotonería-drained teacup in the process.

Szayel chuckled and pulled out a notepad and pen to take note of the effects.

"Uh... I think tha schitzo's lost it," Nnoitra said.

"Aizen-sama!" Yammy roared, startling everyone. "It can't be night here 'cause the moon's always out!" He was apparently still dwelling on his leader's previous statement.

"I think that's the smartest thing he's ever said," Starrk remarked in amazement.

The man stared at the giant Arrancar, just as surprised as everyone else that he knew this simple fact about his home. "That's... highly perceptive of you, Yammy."

"And Urrrkiora's got a Viking hat on!" he blubbered.

"It is _not_ a Viking helmet."

"Yes it is, Emo Bitch!" Grimmjow laughed.

Ulquiorra didn't bother replying to this, as trying to explain to his comrades that the "Viking helmet" was really a horn... or a bone-ear-thing. Come to think of it, he actually didn't know exactly what it was supposed to be. Weird...

Szayel, ignored by everyone, tapped his pen thoughtfully on the notepad. _'Hmm... so the Pills make Yammy smart... Well, smarter.'_ He made another note.

"Well, back on topic," Aizen declared. "I propose that we lure the hollow-lizards out with bait, then release them in the Forest of Menos. Then the Adjuchas could hel-"

He was again interrupted by an Espada, but this time, it was Starrk. He suddenly slammed his hands down on the table and got up.

"...Starrk?" Aizen asked uncertainly.

The Primera looked at him with wide eyes, then asked "Can I run? I wanna run. Can I?" hurriedly.

"Uh... yes?"

At his leader's permission, the brunette began darting around the room hyperly, babbling on about unrelated things.

"Whoa. Who gave the Sandman sugar?" Grimmjow asked, starting to become confused by the surrounding hollow's behavior.

"You seein' this, Emo..." He trailed off. "Where'd he go?"

Aizen almost panicked upon realizing that his dear Cuatro was missing. Then he spotted him.

"Ulquiorra?"

The short Arrancar was huddled up in the corner, his knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, and his head bowed to them.

In other words, our one and only Emospada had finally gone to the Emo Corner.

Something about this fact didn't seem to click with Aizen, as he wondered aloud, "Ulquiorra, what _are_ you doing?"

The raven-haired hollow looked up, his expression somehow sadder than usual. "Life is pain and pain is life... So why don't we all just die?" he slowly monotoned before re-assuming his Emo Position.

"Ulquiorra-san," Nnoitra piped up, being unusually formal. "being depressed isn't good."

Grimmjow's gaze went from the Quinto to the Cuarto and back. "What... the hell?"

"...Szayel?" Aizen whispered while everyone was distracted.

"I... didn't think it was possible... but..." He stood.

"Ulquiorra's gone into Super-Emo mode."

While everyone was still focused on Nnoitra's psychiatric consoling to the now Super-Emospada, Szayel crept up to the male, who was still crouched in the corner, and gently took Murciélago away from him. Just in case.

"Ba-Baraggan? What are you _doing_?"

The Octava turned to find all of the unaffected individuals in the room staring at the old man, who had, for whatever reason, stripped down to his underpants and undershirt while he had been turned away, He suddenly pulled a pair of maracas.

"Wha-"

"It's peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Now where he at? Where he at? Where he at?" he began cheering, dancing as he did so. Starrk happened to see him, and, still in his hyper state, ran over to join him.

"What the hell?" Szayel gasped, unable to believe what he was seeing. He had been expecting everyone to get a little crazy, or at least crazier than usual, but nothing like this.

Aizen was staring in disbelief at his top Espada when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Looking down, he found Ulquiorra standing there, holding a piece of paper out to him.

"I wrote a poem."

He looked it over.

_'There is no meaning in this world._

_Neither is there any meaning in us, the ones who live in it._

_It is then meaningless_

_For us, who are equally meaningless, to conceive the world in our thoughts_

_Despite knowing there is no meaning to be found.'_ *****

The leader gave his precious Cuatro a nervous smile. "This... is wonderful, Ulquiorra."

He turned his attention back to the chaotic group, where Aaroniero had joined the dance party and was doing the robot while singing _Mr. Roboto_, Starrk was now attempting to do the worm, and Gin was mimicking Baraggan for some reason.

The only Espada who hadn't been affected were Harribel, Grimmjow, and Zommari...

Wait, scratch that. Harribel had just stood and approached Nnoitra, running her hand down his arm seductively, to his horror, and Grimmjow was now sitting on the ground next to Aizen, purring. _Purring!_ Szayel was so shocked, he didn't know how to respond.

"...Szayel, what...?"

"I have absolutely no idea. This is a bit _too_ OOC for my liking..." he answered as he scribbled something down on his notepad.

"Grimmjow, please cease your actions at once," Aizen commanded as Grimmjow butted his head against his arm.

"Okay."

"What the... He's actually _listening_ to you for once? It's a miracle!" the pink-haired Espada cheered.

"What's a miracle?"

Szayel blinked at Ulquiorra, surprised. "How... I thought you were hiding in the Emo Corner?"

"I snapped out of it."

His fellow Espada believed him, but was beginning to notice something odd. The corners of the raven's mouth were twitching... A smile? No, Ulquiorra never smiled. Yet here he was, trying to look serious while smiling.

"...Is something funny to you now?"

"Why would it be? Nothing you do amuses me, Octava."

"The why are you smiling?"

"What did you say?"

"Here..." Szayel handed the Cuatro a small mirror that he just happened to have in his pocket.

Ulquiorra just stood there, staring wide-eyed at his reflection.

"Must be an aftereffect..." the scientist noted, taking the mirror back.

"An aftereffect of what?"

"The... OOC Pills..." Szayel trailed off as his attention was caught by Harribel and Nnoitra, who were acting very... peculiar.

"Good lord Harribel! Stay away!" the now-polite Espada cried, backing up as she slinked towards him.

"Come _on_. I know you want to," she said in a sly, purring voice. "Show me how bad you can be."

"Oh my... Harribel!" Aizen yelled, shocked by her actions.

"Hmm... I thought I gave that batch to Grimmjow..." Szayel murmured, glancing at his notepad.

"_Grimmjow_ was supposed to act like that?" Ulquiorra asked, then made an odd noise. He clapped his hands over his mouth.

"Huh?" Even Szayel was confused at what was wrong with him before he fell to the floor in hysterics.

"Holy crap... The universe is going to end."

"What are you talking about?" Aizen asked the scientist, who was staring at Ulquiorra in horror.

"By my calculations, the chances of Ulquiorra laughing are the same as the universe coming to an end. Therefore, the universe will come to an end soon."

"Szayel, that's ridiculous. I see all, and the universe is _not_ going to end."

"M-Make it s-stop! Hahahahaha!" Ulquiorra got out, still stuck on the floor, laughing.

Szayel yanked him up with some difficulty, then bitch-slapped him.

"Ah... Okay, I'm back," he said, still sporting his smile but no longer laughing.

"Good. Now-"

"Ah! NO! Quit it!" Nnoitra yelled as Harribel tried to get his shirt off. "I don't wanna!"

"Uh... can you help me with that?"

When Ulquiorra didn't answer, Szayel looked over, expecting him to have gone back to the Emo Corner, only to find the Cuatro staring in the other direction. Szayel followed his gaze, then stopped in his tracks.

Grimmjow was now seated in Aizen's lap. And not like a cat would be. No, Grimmjow was straddling his leader's lap, who seemed less than comfortable with their position. Gin saw this and apparently found this more entertaining than the dancing Baraggan.

"Gr-Grimmjow!"

Ulquiorra, who was seemingly the only one holding onto his sanity, pulled out his iPod, hoping to get a new piece of blackmail material. Then the situation got even better.

As Aizen struggled beneath the Sexta, the drugged hollow somehow decided that he needed help with the tea stain around his mouth. He wasn't happy about what happened next, but Gin and Ulquiorra were.

"Haha, kiss rape! Take a picture, Ulqui! Take one!" Gin squealed over Aizen's muffled yelling.

"...Do you think that I can sell copies of these to the others?" he asked, taking multiple photos of his leader's assault.

"I'll give ya a fifteen dollar iTunes card fer one."

"Deal."

"Good lord man! Don't you have _any_ self respect?" Szayel yelled, pulling and throwing Grimmjow off his leader.

"Thank you, Szayel," Aizen said, furiously wiping at his mouth.

"Ulquiorra! Ulquiorra! Ulquiorra!" Starrk rushed, pulling at his arm. "Come dance with us! Come on!"

"No, I will not dance with you."

Starrk pretended that he hadn't heard this and grabbed both of his arms with an iron grip. He then proceeded to force him to waltz with him to a mixture of _Mr. Roboto_ and _Peanut Butter Jelly Time_.

"Uh..." Szayel just stood there, not knowing what to do, while Gin laughed, Aizen tried to drown his mouth in tea to get rid of the Grimmjow-taste, and Zommari... just sat there.

"Zommari?" he asked, peeking over his shoulder to see if the spiked tea had been consumed. It had. "Are you, um, feeling alright?"

"Dancing mushrooms," he said, pointing at a corner.

"...Interesting." He took a note on his notepad. _'Drugs cancel out the effects.'_

He looked up to find Tōsen, who had just arrived, sipping at a teacup. "Tōsen, no!"

"What?" he asked, then stiffened and looked at Aizen, who looked scarred for life. He walked over.

"Ah, Tōsen. Finally, you're-"

"What is this poppycock?" the blind man roared in a thick English accent.

"Poppycock?"

"And this tea! Bleh! It's like we must drink rubbish everyday to survive!"

"...Does he even know 'bout yer prank?" Gin whispered to Szayel.

"I don't think so..."

"Ooh, I'm Aizen!" Tōsen mocked in a high pitched voice. "And I'm the Tea King! Ooh~!"

"...Szayel, please tell me the drugs wear off after a while."

"Uh... They shouldn't last that much longer..." he replied, watching the smiling Ulquiorra get spun around by Starrk while Aaroniero and Baraggan did a very... inappropriate dance.

"...Good."

Tōsen continued to mock and ramble on about the tea for several hours, unintentionally and unknowingly setting off a certain chain of events.

* * *

><p><strong>*- I felt like I should give this credit. This poem is from Bleach vol. 22, <em>Conquisidors<em>. And yes, that's one of Ulqui's character poems. It just fit so well.**

**A/N- Oh come on. You guys can't say that you don't want those pictures. Even though I hate Aizen, Grimmy kiss raping him is something that I can TOTALLY see happening. If Grimmy was drunk. Or high.  
><strong>**And is that a cliffhanger I see? Maybe. Is a plot developing? Definitely****.**

**Anyways, I might not be updating this until school lets back in. Why? Summer fic. I'll be posting it tomorrow, so... yeah. It's titled _Oblivion_, so keep an eye out. If you want to, that is. The details are up on my Profile, along with the statuses of this and JLI. Sorry about this, but I kinda want to focus on something more serious this summer. Not that _Oblivion_ won't have some moments of hilarity. They just aren't going to show up as often.  
><strong>**And for anyone who does plan on checking it out... I'll warn you in advance- the first chapter ended up being HUGE. Don't know how, but it did.**

**Um, so review and tell me what you thought of Las Noches' freak show! (Ulqui the Super Emo on NOW! :P)**


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